“Can I see your photos somewhere?”
“Also, I am sorry if I get too forward, but I can’t seem to get over how cute you seem to be, and I would really love to have a coffee with you before I leave”
“What time would suit you, Sarah?”
It’s safe to say my last experience on Tinder wasn’t exactly a fun one. I found myself being bombarded with multiple messages from the same few men, including the one who was responsible for the messages above. Then when he realised I wasn’t going to reply, he got his friend who I’d also matched with to start bugging me too. It soon proved to be more hassle than I’d signed up for, so I decided to delete the app and swore I’d never go near it again.
I’ve always been too sceptical about the reasons why people use Tinder. I know people who have met their boyfriends on the app, and others who use it purely for casual sex. I even know someone who said he was using it to look for climbing partners when I came across his profile. However, it does seem like there’s an increasing number of people using it who are actually interested in meeting someone. So with that in mind, I downloaded the app again and dived into a week of Tinder.
“Hello. You look very kissable. x”
“Hi Sarah, you look lovely! How are you doing today? x”
“Hi Sarah, how’s you? It’s great to see we are a match xx”
I guess you could say I got off to a fairly good start. After a few minutes of swiping, I’d already managed to rack up almost 40 matches and had a few seemingly nice men send me messages. It only took a few hours for me to be asked out on my first date by Rob*. I don’t know what the Tinder etiquette is, but I’d personally like someone to send me more than two short messages before asking me out. After all, we didn’t know anything about each other and his profile didn’t give anything away. I politely declined his invitation and left him to ask someone else out instead.
I’m pretty sure there was a full moon last night because I seemed to be inundated with weird messages all day. The day started with James* who said, “Thanks for matching. So where you from and what is it you do (inset lots of fork and knife emojis) I’ve only got forks and knives but I really need a little spoon”. I don’t even know where to begin talking about what is wrong with that message. I decided against replying, and hoped James managed to figure out how weird it was for himself.
It didn’t even take 24 hours for someone to send me an inappropriate message. Richard* told me that he tends to grab ass when he kisses, and he hopes I wasn’t going to be scared of his big hands. I wasn’t scared at all and I’m certainly not a prude, but I was put off by how forward he was being. Later on that night, he said he would give me free ice cream if I visited the shop he managed. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’m vegan so can’t eat any of his ice cream anyway. After a few more messages he lost interest. I guess he found someone else who actually did want him to grab their ass.
If your first message is going to be song lyrics, then don’t make it Journey. I know lots of people like them, but ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ is one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard. I hated it when Journey did it, and I hated it even more when Glee covered it. I guess it comes as no surprise that I didn’t reply to Jason* when he said, “JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL”.
One of my top pet hates is when people don’t reply to a text. Unless you are really busy and not beside your phone, then it literally only takes about 10 seconds to send a quick message. However, Tinder is different because I don’t actually know these people. So when William* kept asking me why I wasn’t replying, I decided it was time to close the app for the day and pray he’d figure out that I didn’t want to chat to him.
Remember James*? He’s the one who told me he needed a little spoon. Well, he’s back again. He wants to know what I thought of his messages because he tried it on someone else and she unmatched him. I know I probably should have told him how awful his message was, but I didn’t want to get into a long conversation about it. Hopefully he’s realised that no girl is ever going to reply to a message like that, and a simple “hello” would work much better.
One of the downsides to Tinder is you’ll inevitably come across someone you know, and this happened on Thursday when I swiped for Ryan*. As awkward as these things can be, it was refreshing to find someone nice and normal in the sea of the weird men who had been bugging me all week.
HOORAY FOR MY LAST DAY ON TINDER!! I didn’t think I’d be so happy to wave goodbye to it. I don’t want to be too hard on the app because I do know people who have met their significant other on it, and they’re perfectly happy. However, I just really don’t think it’s for me. The whole thing feels like a meat market, and it’s not one I want to be part of. Plus, is it really too much to ask that someone wants to talk for more than two seconds before wanting to meet up? Or that someone can chat to you without telling you they want to grab your ass? I guess not according to Tinder. Anyway the past seven days have proved to be more than enough for me to end my relationship with the app, and never go back there again.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the men I spoke to in case they’re still hoping to get a date.